office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
