PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
