so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
