when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
