So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
