I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
