Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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