Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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