We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
