So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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