He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
did you just send me my own nude
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
