last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
