he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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