I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
