I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
