just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You don't make any sense
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