it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I've blown a few things in my day
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
