I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
