You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
