Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
