Non-Jews are for practice
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
