these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
