I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
