'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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