i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can I color on your dick again?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
