I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
