I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
