I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
