dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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