Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
