Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
