I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
