You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
