The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
