Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
