Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
