Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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