glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
