Do you still have your period?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
