she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
