im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
