i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
