Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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