I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
