Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
