My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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