Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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