I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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