I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
