I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
