I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
